Body & Soul - The Art of Conversation

When was the last time you had a really great face–to-face conversation? You know, the kind where you felt like you could keep talking for hours, one that wasn’t interrupted by phone calls, texts, or the telly? Talk that was enlivening and inspiring? Talk that could be considered ‘soul food’?

I’ve just been reading a great book called The Art of Conversation – How talking improves lives by Catherine Blyth, and it’s got me thinking about how, despite living in an age where it’s easier than ever before to stay in touch, we actually often communicate less meaningfully with those around us.

The central argument of the book goes something like this: we’re all getting busier (and ruder). Many bars and cafés are filled with blaring TV screens or loud music, making conversation next to impossible. Family dinners, once shared around a table, are now taken on our knees in front of the television. We’re slaves to our phones or BlackBerries – on call 24-7 and ready to respond to emails or texts from elsewhere, which somehow take priority over what we’re doing.

We live in an age of soundbytes, Facebook, and Twitter – where ‘conversations’ are conducted in staccato bursts, often shared with hundreds of people. Many day-to-day interactions, such as banking or buying goods, that once involved human interaction now involve typing or speaking to a voice activated computer. All of this means that we’re losing our conversational ability. And yes, it does matter. Conversation is healing. It improves the intellect, it increases our connectedness and understanding. It gives us our humanity.

We have a choice. We can fight back. We’re supposed to be the ones who control the technology – remember? Like the ‘slow food’ movement which sprang up in response to ‘fast food’, we can choose to enjoy ‘slow communication’. We can turn off our phones when we’re out with friends and give them our full attention. We can turn off our television sets and sit down with our families to share a meal, we can make time in our lives for real face-to-face conversation. Here are some of Catherine Blyth’s tips for getting conversation back into our daily lives.
1) Say hello (and goodbye) to everyone you have dealings with. In shops, queues, buses…
2) Ration your attention – ignore the phone or better still, turn it off. That’s what the answer service is for.
3) Think before texting or emailing – could it be sorted out quicker or better by phoning or face-to-face?
4) Appreciate the voice – text is weak at expressing tone that gives words much of their meaning.
5) Spring clean your routines – clear space for conversation. Meal times, bath times, relaxation, hobbies – all potential shared times. Coordinate timetables, be in the same room.
6) Make plans! Flexibility makes us flaky. Diary time for face-to-face catch ups and stick to them. Don’t kid yourself that email or phone conversations replace direct encounters.
7) Make it matter – once you’re with your conversation partner(s), leave the phone alone.
8) Relish silence – go cold turkey with no TV, computer, PlayStation or film. Unplug the toys.