Body & Soul- Woman's best Friend

BY SARAH RYDER

There are two types of people in the world – those who love animals and those who don’t. If you’re the latter, you might want to stop reading now. But if you’ve ever owned and loved a pet, you’ll understand.

I was planning to write a light-hearted piece about giving up alcohol this month (the short answer: not going well for reasons that will soon become apparent). Instead I find myself staring at the slightly grubby spot on the wall, by where my dog used to lie, and writing about pet loss and grief instead.

I feel reasonably well qualified on the topic, having lost two within the space of a week. My beautiful 13-year-old Bernese mountain dog Simba, who was put down, and my cat Tui – the stray that adopted me, who was run over three days after Simba’s death. I won’t pretend I felt the same level of grief at Tui’s death. She lived under the house, only occasionally venturing inside and leaving small pools of dribble in her wake. But I was fond of her. Over the 18 months I knew her, she went from being a stray I only caught glimpses of, to becoming positively smoochy. (Not really a great quality when you’re a dribbler!)

My dog, on the other hand, was my best buddy; a happy, comforting presence through all the ups and downs of life – relationship break-ups, moving house, new jobs … truly my best friend. Simba was the kind of dog that even people who didn’t like dogs would tolerate – obedient, gentle, and affectionate. And the kind of dog you could take anywhere – which I did.

Simba wound down slowly over a couple of years, becoming a little slower and stiffer with each passing day. Our walks became shorter and slower, our trips to the vet more frequent. Her breath became laboured – it was like living with Darth Vader. In the end she lost the use of her back legs, but her tail was still wagging, even as the needle went in.

When Simba was here, I couldn’t imagine life without her. I still miss her but I’ve now stopped expecting to hear scampering footsteps when I put the key in the lock. Occasionally, I find myself blinking back tears when I find a plastic bag in the pocket of a coat I haven’t worn for a while, or visit one of our favourite spots. But the truth is, life is easier without a big black dog and a cat in tow. I can do things after work instead of rushing home to walk the dog, I can go away for weekends at the drop of a hat – no cat feeding arrangements required. Yes, life is definitely easier without pets, easier but also emptier.

Here’s what some of the experts have to say on coping with the loss of your pet.

• Intense grief is normal and natural – don’t let others who don’t understand the pet/owner bond tell you otherwise!

• Find someone who understands to talk to. There are even counsellors who specialise in this type of work and many online support groups.

• Apparently it’s generally better not to get a new pet right away and not to get a ‘lookalike’ pet which will make comparisons more likely. Give yourself time to work through your grief and don’t expect your new pet to be just like the one you lost. Acquire a new pet when you’re ready to move forward.